I want to live a billion different lives.

"Give me Deeper Understanding..." Kate Bush -The Sensual World

Personal Daily Horoscope of Wednesday, 13 August 2008
for Jer M, born 27 January 1979 Send page Deeper understanding This quality of time will help you to develop a deeper understanding of those psychological areas that are connected with the experience of pain, suffering and rejection. This influence is especially well suited to so deepening the understanding of these interrelations that the first inklings of how to carry out a healing can be perceived. During this phase it is important to talk to other people who are interested in this theme. This time is well suited to penetrating the complicated connections and dependencies between human behavior, the psyche and early injuries - to differentiate between cause and effect -, whether for yourself or for someone who has confided in you. The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Mercury Trine Chiron, , exact at 00:14 
activity period from 12 August 2008 to 13 August 2008 [turn off]Show the love horoscope for this transit (L) Other transits occurring today, for subscribers 

Sun Trine Venus, exact at 06:51 
Moon Square Ascendant, exact at 18:08 
Moon Square Pluto, exact at 18:53 
Moon Trine Saturn, exact at 06:25 
Moon in the 4th House, from 22:35  
Moon Sextile Uranus, exact at 21:44 
Moon Opposition Med.Coeli, exact at 22:35 
Important long-term influences, for subscribers 

“Unconscious desires” (Uranus Square Venus)
“Changing tracks” (Uranus Trine Med.Coeli)
“Act quickly” (Chiron Trine Ascendant)
Mundane Events

Sunrise, at 05:57 
Sunset, at 19:32 

• Planetary Hours for Wednesday, day of Mercury, for subscribers 

End of Family part deux..

Me and my sister have been fighting since our mothers death. My sister basically had to raise me as my mother worked to support 3 children by herself in the 1980’s. I never received child support and by the time my parents were divorced my father only had to pay about 2-4 years of support until he was free enough to purchase all his worldly good and travel the earth. I never received a dime for college education or even a notion of help from my mother or father. Mother drank and gambled away the money, and my father probably didn’t want to acknowledge me. Anyhow, my mother treated my sister horribly, she was physically and mentally abused for a long time. So my sister hates my mother very very much, just as I hate my father very very much. She chucked her urn of the ashes of my mother into the middle of the desert, to forget her existence.

After moms death, my sister and I did not get along. She was taking 30 xanax a day and fucking weird men in my dead mothers home, one of them ended up beating her. Now she dates a man a year younger than me and has a child by him and married him about a month ago. She once got married to a military man associated with a rich family when she was 19. Divorced years later. She has made many mistakes in her life that I have learned to avoid.

My mother warned me whilst she was on her death bed, that my sister would manipulate me for life. She was a horrible sister; ect, ect.. It pained me to hear that as I did not believe it. My sister did treat me like crap in my teen years and my brother ignored me for most of my life. But sometimes I got along with them. As a child they really fucked with me. Like my sister sneaking up to me and holding a lit cigarette to my foot whilst I was watching television not knowing the searing pain about to come through the callous of my heel. That was unpleasant, as well as the laughing by her incurred afterward. My brother (when he did pay attention to me) and sister did many things like this to me like usual antics in a family. As the youngest it really fucked with my head and made me lose a lot of confidence. I had no one to protect me from them I felt. They held “I’m going to tell mom you did this and that” to turn me into a virtual slave. They made me as miserable as themselves in that household, and were intent on expressing it. They felt my mother was not as harsh on me as she was on them. Well by the time she had me and the age she had me @ 36 years old, I doubt she had the energy and could give half a shit. I still got my ass whipped, I still was slapped by her, I was yelled at and made felt worthless by her just as much as she made my brother and sister got from her. When I ran away from home @ 17 she blamed them for it, and kicked their 30 year old asses out of her house finally. They hold resentment for that and they do not think I know that?? She told me. That made me fear them even more. After not calling my mother for months and basically sending her into her own state of helplessness and regret, I think my message to her finally hit home (if only for a few years after I ran away as she turned back into her usual evil dragon self) she felt really bad for not understanding me, not accepting my homosexuality. She showed remorse when I finally called. When I came home, I was welcomed, no rent yet, I could do what I wanted without the nazi watching over me. I had no brother or sister to fuck with me. But it changed. Back to bad. Like always in that house.

After she died and my sister ran into my beloved car 2 times in a row on purpose, I moved out of that house and said I didn’t want anything to do with bopth brother and sister. Give me my share of the will and leave me alone.

My brother finally gives me the money and I vow to never know him again. But he called every once in a while to check up on me. Probably past guilt for not paying a damn minute to me as a brother and probably because his christian wife wants him to make amends with his family. This was a guy who was a metal head artist anarchist ATHEIST, and marries this girl and is now a born again or something fucked up and not him. What an influence another person can exude over a human being for love..

[ (Side note.) My sister was not invited to my brothers wedding, and hold great resentment towards his wife Kristina for it. As when my brother and sister lived together my sister fucked my brother over in thousands of dollars in bills she did not pay him, and both my sister and his wife fought verbally around that time. My brother wanted to kill her for that, and says he will never forgive or trust her and has called her crazy many many times…… My sister has said many bad things about Kristina over the years.. UNTIL they both had children around the same time in the current present the babies are 10 months apart) Now my sister talks to her, or makes her seem not as bad all of a sudden, I think this stems from the fact that my sister wants the babies to grow up together (plus the support and give and take that will come when they grow older, like which person is babysitting ect. So who knows what my sister is brewing. She has many faces. ]

I vowed after my sister went nuts and ruined my car and made my life living with her hell (like calling an ambulance for herself because she was mentally freaking out and them getting ready before it arrived by putting on makeup and perfumed lotion and decent looking clothes) I locked the bolt in my room and wanted nothing to do with her problems and she was poisoning me with her addictions to benzodiazepines and xanax (which is what I am currently battling, ironic enough) which made her do a lot of weird and mean things, like ram my car twice. So I leave and live on my own @ 25 finally renting my own apartment and being an “adult”.. Vowed NEVER to know her again.

I estranged my brother and sister, but made sure my claim to the family misery money dealt out was received as I didn’t want to be screwed out of a will.

Years pass, my brother calls now and then and tries to re-establish a relationship for me, all I want is for him to disappear. I change my cell number. Somehow through email he starts to communicate. I break down and give him my new number. We talk, I constantly have problems of which he listens to and tries to help in his narrow minded way, until he cannot bear it and basically says I am a pussy and other people have it worse and I should think of that. Well fuck you brother, that is not how it works. So I make communications less often. But I am having more problems and a week before I find out that I am HIV positive, he was extremely rude and uncaring about the way I was feeling, and treated me like I was a weak human, degraded because I am “lazy” or whatever. I find out I am positive and call him, I can hear the shock in his voice, he has few words of sentiment but that is it, he wants me to call my sister as she is having a baby. [And isn’t it christian to have family get along] Explains her situation ect and pushes me. Plus I needed support, I needed my family, or so I thought.

Me and my sister start talking, she is extremely nice and her stoner boyfriend even gets my good weed and there is no strings attached. [Her boyfriend now husband has graduated from college and owes $40,000 in student loans she said once.] Any time I need it she says. She gave me furniture and things and presents, food. Then slowly over time it changes into judging how I am living. As when I do not feel well mentally or physically, I am always texting her for support. She is going through a lot. Then I am denied and judged on how much weed I smoke and how much xanax I take, and my lack of attention (which is a fear of accepting my status of HIV positive) to seek medical help. But I have, it is hard here in Vegas. Doctors REALLY SUCK here. I am getting help, it is slow here. I have a lot of other medical shit happening as well.

So my sister thinks tough love will help by txting me messages that just piss me off. I do not want to talk to my brother even though he is having a child as well, so I have 2 new nephews I will not know. I have issues with my brother, and its my right to not talk to him is it not. So after the following txts me and my sisters relationship have now ended. It seems like my word are being not understood from her. So she involves dictionaries and bullshit. She hated her last name and wanted to change it, but it was changed when she married with a new last name. She is proud to lose the Mull and gain a new name. She believes my mother haunts her it seems as she said to me once, and now directs it at me. So here is what I dealt with tonight after not having phone service because I have medical bills and power and gas bills to pay.

This is the outcome of the communications between my sister and I tonight. Then she sends me an email at the very end.

Her: What the hell is going on? If I dont hear from you im calling the police.

Me: My phone was turned off because I have no money, my hospital bill was for $4500 and I owe $458, my phone will be on for 1 or 2 more days b4 it gets turned off again. I am very behind in bills and very depressed. I cannot afford to go to a counseler yet. I am requesting medicql marijuana through dr cade as I need it to eat, I weight 130 pounds now. I lost 15 pounds in the past month dr bertolli said. He says to use pot resposibly, but I cannot find it, so I am to apply to nevada agriculture ect.. Someone is going to set me up. The dr says I trip out and feel bad from withdrawls of xanax, so I have to be careful. Be he understands and possibly will raise my dose next visit. If I can afford it. I might not have power for a week, so things are fucked up and I am very unhappy.

Her: What is luc doing to help? Are u spending again? What did u insurance pay for hospital?

Me: Luc has done a lot, and paid for a lot, has brought and bought me groceries, cleaned for me as I have no energy from having 325 T Cells left per ml in my blood. I am sick and trying my best. Luc has dealt with my shitty attitude and says to direct the anger and rage @ my family into something productive and not think about the past even though it is very hard to get rid of memories of being in constant fear of getting in trouble and dealing with a recluse brother and a sister trying to help herself and raise me. Please do not compare me to dad as I am sure you would not like me comparing you to mom. I feel like dad owes me an education like he helped his other son out with. I have had a problem with food for a long time, stemming from the fact I was raised on bar food mostly, even as a kid I had problems with eating certain things and when you are force fed fat from steaks it sticks in your mind forever. If I don’t smoke pot I will end up an alchy like mom as I need something to please the addictive genes passed on. Chuck drinks beer like a fish and takes muscle relaxers. He admits to a degree to me before that he does need a beer to relax with. So I feel singled out. Its very hard for me to forget the past. Even dealing with mom telling me before she died to not trust you and that you would manipulate me for the rest of my life. That hurt me to hear her say that as I do not want to believe that. She made you out to be a horrible person to cover her own horrible mistakes. So I feel like very distant from you all. I remember being teased by you and chuck about being faggy when I was 14 and 15. I remember a lot of things you guys did to me and it is hard to get over it, and I knew it was real when chuck admitted to treating me like shit when I was growing up. I remember hating you guys so much I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of that house, I felt in the way. Running away was the best thing ever did for myself as I regained my freedom and it made me seek the creative stuff without the judgement. Being whipped with a dog chain and having my backpack ripped off my back and having my thumb slammed in the door still echos in my mind like yesterday, the scar is still there and my thumb pops out of place every now and then. So I feel betrayed by my family, and the tough love thing is making me want to be more distant, I have been completely alone before in horrible cases and bad times in my life and I can do it again, but Luc will make sure I am not alone and I will succeed as I will follow his example. School is not my interest, many successful people have never taken a college course, my life experience will get me somewhere unless I die from AIDS first which I will not. Please don’t yell @ me about the weed. I know its harm. You made it seem ok when we started talking again, and now I am getting tough love, I don’t like that. I won’t complain to you anymore as you have your own family to worry about and I don’t want to upset you. I will find someone else to talk to like the counselor you suggest I go to.

Then Her Email to me…..

——-Original Message——-
From: Amber Mull <itsmewallace@*******>
To: uforik@tmail.com
Subject: The dictionary term for manipulate
Date: Wed, 13 Aug 2008 00:38:07 -0700

Main Entry:

ma·nip·u·late Listen to the pronunciation of manipulate

Pronunciation:

\mə-ˈni-pyə-ˌlāt\

Function:

transitive verb

Inflected Form(s):

ma·nip·u·lat·ed; ma·nip·u·lat·ing

Etymology:

back-formation from manipulation, from French, from manipuler to handle an apparatus in chemistry, ultimately from Latin manipulus

Date:

1834

1: to treat or operate with or as if with the hands or by mechanical means especially in a skillful manner2 a: to manage or utilize skillfully b: to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage3: to change by artful or unfair means so as to serve one’s purpose : doctor

Please tell me how you’re being manipulated by me? because I sure dont’ see it. You are pushing your own family away. No one is going that but you. Dad owes you nothing and will give you nothing. If it means that much to you why not see if there is a statute of limitations and see if you can hire a lawyer for you child support.
We (*Reno, Chuck, Kristina) have all tried to reach you. Its you that pushes away. What else can I do? you listen to the ghost of the woman who was horrible. And to say I’m like mom is laughable so it doesn’t bother me. I don’t drink, gamble my money, ignore my children, blame my children, and live in squalor.
My phone just got turned off.
You’re not trying to get better and want to hold everyone else accountable for your life. So you and chuck had sibling rivalry, WHO CARES….you know the difference between right and wrong. You’re paranoid that everyone is out to get you.
You made your own choice. So I guess there is nothing I can say to make it different. It was nice to finally get to know you again. I hope you’re well in you future. You push me and *Liam away. I guess this is it. So sorry I couldn’t be a better person or care for you more.

Amber R Bovetti

i’m EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOOD
Join me

*Reno is my sisters husband..

*Liam is my newphew..

Of course I am going back and blaming people for the things in my life that I thought were wrong, mean, un needed pain. Being unaccepted from my family. The pain they put me through. I found out I am HIV positive a year ago and I am FREAKING the fuck out. Once again, Nevada has poor health care and the worst mental help services in America. I have been trying to get help for about 7 years and my sister does not think that I am trying hard enough, even though, she went through the same exact thing. I have given her 4 Xanax over the past few months we have been talking, the same drug she said she quit cold turkey when she got pregnant and could not sleep literally for a week and went through severe withdrawl symptoms. The same thing she is blaming me for in the above text messages we did today. She has many faces. Blame me but take my pills makes a lot of sense, not really! I realize she may care, but I do not trust the remainder of my siblings.

WTF

This is the worst fucking scam I have ever seen… FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

Greetings to you,

How are you and your family? Hope all is well. My name is Richard Taylor (Pvt) an American soldier, serving in the military with the US Army 3rd Infantry Division operating in Iraq. With a very desperate need of assistance, I have summed up courage to contact you. I found your contact particulars in an electronic address directory. I am seeking your kind assistance to move the sum of ($18 Million USD) Eighteen Million United States Dollars to you at the country you reside. All I need is your willingness, trust and commitment until I complete my service here in Iraq .

Source of the money -
You can go to this web link to read about the event that took place here in Iraq : 
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm

Some money in various currencies were discovered in barrels at a farmhouse near one of Saddam old palaces in Tikrit-Iraq during a rescue operation, and it was agreed by SSgt Kenneth Buff and I, that some part of this money be shared among the two of us before informing anybody about it. The above figure was given to me as my share, and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a British contact working here and because his office enjoys some immunity, I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. Now, I have found a very much secured way of getting the package out of Iraq to your country for you to pick up, and I will discuss this with you when I am sure that you are willing to assist me. Please be rest assured that with mutual consent, both of us can agree on a deal. I am therefore, making a passionate appeal, should you have any reason to reject this offer, please and please delete this message immediately!
!
, as any leakage of this information will be detrimental to the US soldiers here in Iraq.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated. Please contact me as soon as possible via this medium (r.taylor@mail4me.com) which is my only private means of communication.

Kind Regards,

Richard Taylor (Pvt) 
Personal E-mail:  r.taylor@mail4me.com

Over it.

Today I feel especially depressed and fucking dead. Life is a lie. I am at a very low point in my life, and I do not want to face all of this hurt, sickness and loss of dreams any longer. Everyone keeps pushing me to get help, and when I do it is always ALWAYS fucked up. Like the doctor for my HIV barely able to get appointments with him. The HR lady that gave me a bible and asked me to her BAPTIST church, you know the ones with the people holding the signs up that says god hates fags and AIDS is gods cure for fags; ect. FUCK THAT STUPID HR CUNT!! Get a fucking clue you stupid cow. I should sue the fuck out of you for even bringing religion into this. (she asked if I prayed) (umm yes bitch I pray that people like you should be thrown in a ditch and you should give me all your money for being so stupid and uncouth) The thousands I am in debt from medical bills before I even became HIV positive. My boyfriend that lives with 2 girls in a half million dollar home whilst I am stuck in the mountains alone struggling with finances. he helps but minanmally and when he wants to. I wanted to live My shitty shitty job which I FUCKING HATE! My car slowly breaking down. My asshole family that only cares about themselves. I was a virtual slave and lived in fear with my brother and sister, as I was inconveniently in the way whilst they lived in moms house well into their 30’s. I didn’t get the chance to mooch off mom and in fact as an example she charged me $300 a month in rent for 3 years starting before I even turned 18, her FUCKING MORTGAGE was $300 a month. FUCKING BITCH! I know you are dead now, but you could have helped me instead of drinking yourself into oblivion and teaching me to deal with my problems with chemicals. YOU were NEVER there for me. To my father- I HOPE YOUR HEART BURSTS, thanks for never never being there for me. I wont get over you till you die.

Now my sister and brother want me to be involved with my new nephews life. I think it is hilarious that they had kids around the same time, but my sister is 40 and my brother is like 50 or something (i am 29 so you can see the age variation and HOW MUCH OF A MISTAKE MY SORRY ASS WAS!

I am so pissed, I am so over this world. I am nothing but a lazy little bitch that no one really gives a shit about, no matter what I write, no matter how nice I am to anyone in life. I feel cheated. I feel like my time is running out and I must fight to kill for my dreams. I have no where to start, so direction, no education. I might as well be shot in the head. I am so worthless. People just do not give a shit, or give a shit in their brains but offer no help. I work this fucked up job that sucks the life energy out of me and leaves me no room to be an artist, so I give the fuck up. I cannot even sell my music equiptment, no one wants it.

I hate life sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much right now.

I feel like desroying my things and going into a rage. But another part of me just wants to sit down to a nice bowl of Miso soup.

Why do I out myself through this, did my parents fuck me up good or what. Where do I talk to a psycologist, or someone about CBT. I live in the worst place for medical care and far worse for mental services. I AM FUCKED> SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP ME BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE! I hate this town, I hate that no one will listen and just wants me to eat pills to make it all better. Well it aint and the 3MG of Xanax I ate last night is showing itself in a full rage in my writing. So I am freaking the fuck out, fun.

Hating life,

Jeremy.

I FUCKING WISH!

If I knew a second language I would be motivated to go after this position which would fullfill my greatest dreams!! I thought it was spam and it kinda is but sent through DJ Lisa Lashes somehow.

GreenRoomArtists & STRIKE Artists is looking for a young, enthusiastic and dynamic Personal Assistant (PA) to join our ever company with the following skills...

- Be incredibly well organised, motivated and enjoy being so...
- A 2nd language would be greatly useful (French, German, Spanish, Italian)
- A good understanding and knowledge of the music industry, or keen to learn.
- Be hard working, friendly and well presented
- Be able to deal with contracts, invoicing, banking and itineraries
- Able to do the hours no matter what to get the job done
- Need to be based in or around London
- Good working knowledge of mac computers
- Able to manage, delegate and action work to meet heavy deadlines
- Looking for a new challenge and experience
- Have good writing skills, not afraid of numbers or doing the maths
- Weekend and travel abroad and within the UK possible if you have the time

If interested, please send full CV with image to - mailto:roman@greenroomartists.com before Wednesday 13th August 08.

Kind Regards
Roman Trystram
GreenRoomArtists :: London
www.myspace.com/greenroomartists 

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Net Neutrality and learning about it.

I’d like to thank Jan and John Buckman for letting me find out about net neutrality. I found it through http://tubeclan.com/category/net-neutrality/

It really hit home when back in the 30’s there were many amature radio broadcasters and the government (FCC) took that away I believe. I see the trend, I see how the corp want to control a one way feed like everything else. It REALLY pisses me off, the video is quite emotional. Then I see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksoDNwUzYFU which is an explination of Magnatune and how they work to make a lot of stuff happen fairly and decently. The ability to use thier artists music for Flash and TV ect is amazing. You have to watch it yourself, but it would really suck if the government fucked with that chance for this great opportunity for the world.

Thanks Jan and John, I see a bigger picture which takes me out of my little miserable hole and wants to shout from the rooftops of what I have learned. You lit a fire under my ass and I want to do something about it. If I cannot produce music, you bet my angry ass would be a damn good activist!!

Im thinking Obey type prints all around Vegas warning of government control of the internet.. But I will have to think hard and smart.

Thanks Magnatune!